The Folly of Trying to Control Others

1. Read: Phil.2:3-4

2. About the Text:

1) Paul gives us what the Christian’s attitude toward other people is supposed to be here.

2) Notice that the first thing he removes from the relationship is selfish ambition/pride.

3) Pride is at the root of all of our relationship problems.

4) Instead what we need to do is esteem others better than ourselves.

5) We need to look out for the true needs of others.

3. We live in a world that seeks to control others.

1) How many of us have had fellow employees talk to the boss about us to get us to change our behavior without talking to us first?

2) How many people desire to change other people, not by talking to them, but by approaching someone else who we think can “change” them?

3) How many of us have been manipulated to do something that we don’t want to do by a controlling individual?

4) We live in a controlling culture.

5) If you don’t do what I want you to do, I will sue you and make the government make you do it!

6) These are sinful attitudes and behaviors.

4. Ref. to S, T, P, O, and A.

1. Read Luke 22:24-27.

2. The disciples desired power. Why? To control others.

3. Jesus said that this was not the right attitude.

4. Jesus does not want us to have power over other people; He wants us to serve.

1. No one can control another person. We can only control ourselves.

2. Think about the number of relationships that is involved.

3. Paul said he only wanted God’s approval: “For do I now persuade men, or God? Or do I seek to please men? For if I still pleased men, I would not be a bondservant of Christ” (Gal.1:10).

4. At the root of our desire to control others is a desire to change them.

5. Even Jesus did not try to change someone who didn’t want to change.

6. Mark 10:17-22 – the rich young ruler.

1. To be holy means to be set apart from the world and its affairs.

2. When we seek to control others, we are investing ourselves in worldly affairs.

3. Consider Paul’s words to the Corinthians about taking their brother to court.

4. 1 Corinthians 6:1-8.

5. We must be holy as God is holy (1 Peter 1:15); God doesn’t forcibly seek to control us.

1. It puts us in the position of always trying to get someone else to be responsible.

2. This distracts us from being responsible for ourselves.

3. Consider the Pharisees attitude in Matthew 15:1-9.

4. They wanted to control others and not be responsible.

1. When we are distracted from being responsible for ourselves, we lose our own self-control.

2. We should be focusing upon controlling self instead of controlling others.

3. The most difficult aspect of this is not controlling our physical self, but our spiritual self.

4. This is what Jesus meant when He said that our sins come from within, from the heart.

5. Read Matthew 15:10-20.

6. Self-control is one of the fruit of the spirit (Galatians 5:23) and the Christian graces (2 Peter 1:6).

1. Because we are trying to do something that is impossible.

2. It makes us feel like we are out of control.

3. This leads to a sense of helplessness ultimately ending in depression because people just do not seem to do what you want them to do.

4. If we will let go of our desire to control others, and focus on self, we will feel empowered.

5. This will help us feel like we are in control of ourselves and depression will fade.

6. We must take responsibility for our own lives.

7. 2 Corinthians 7:9-10 “Now I rejoice, not that you were made sorry, but that your sorrow led to repentance. For you were made sorry in a godly manner, that you might suffer loss from us in nothing. For godly sorrow produces repentance leading to salvation, not to be regretted; but the sorrow of the world produces death.”

1. We will become a hypocrite for practicing the same things that we seek to change in them.

2. Paul discussed this in Romans 2:17-24.

1. We seek to control others because of some identity that we wish them to have.

2. We actually are trying to get them to be something that they are not.

3. This is because we are trying to be something that we are not.

4. The Pharisees were expert at this.

5. They wanted everyone to be like them! So they sought to control people through stringent traditions of men.

6. We will not realize our identity until we stop trying to control others and put our faith in Jesus (Galatians 2:20).

1. We don’t want to control others.

2. We must recognize this desire for what it is, and let it go.

3. Instead, let’s love them for who they are, persons created in God’s image.

4. Invitation