“You Don’t Care about Me!”

Recently I received a phone call from someone asking for benevolence. After she explained her situation, I offered to take her information so that our deacon of benevolence could get in touch. Most people are satisfied with allowing us an opportunity to get back in touch with them. However, on this phone call, the person said, “You don’t care about me!” and hung up. Have you ever heard someone say this before? It is a very hurtful thing to say and indicates deep resentment and anger. This statement is almost always false because someone cared enough to listen initially, which indicates that there is at least some level of care being displayed. Why, then, would someone make such a statement?

Self-pity is largely to blame for such a comment. The person making this statement desires another to feel sorry for them at the same level that they feel sorry for themselves. If the other person does not express that depth of sorry, then he/she must not care for them at all. This is really a passive-aggressive technique of manipulating others to get them to do what one wants. When someone makes such an outrageous claim, a good person will feel guilty for not being more sympathetic and seek to act better. Hence, it’s all about control. “You didn’t behave like I wanted you to behave,” the passive-aggressive person is saying; “Therefore, I will make you feel guilty, so you will do what I want you to do!” This is ungodly and sinful behavior that seeks self above others. Paul wrote, “Let nothing be done through selfish ambition or conceit, but in lowliness of mind let each esteem others better than himself” (Philippians 2:3).

God bless you, and I love you.

Kevin Cauley