Recovering from Spiritual Narcissism – Part 7

A narcissist, who is also passive aggressive, will rarely ever confront someone directly because he does not want to change and take ownership of his problems; it is much easier to blame others. He likely learned this behavior from his parents who also wouldn’t take ownership and blamed others. When he tried to talk about a problem, they deflected it. So, he learned not to communicate his desires directly. Instead, he pouted or used the “silent treatment” until his parents gave him what he wanted. However, if he talked to dad about mom and vice versa, he got sympathy. He played the two against each other. He was rewarded for his passive-aggressive behavior. This practice of not taking responsibility, blaming others, and manipulating them into giving him what he wanted continued into adulthood.

A narcissistic passive-aggressive Christian will use these techniques to get his way in the church. He won’t talk directly to those with whom he has conflict; he will talk to everyone else and stir up a “fuss.” He may complain to the preacher, deacons, or elders who may enable him by shielding him from confrontation because they are narcissistic and passive-aggressive too. This behavior never resolves real issues, and it stifles church growth. The narcissist gets what he wants without having to take ownership of his problems. This is sinful behavior and ignores Jesus’ clear teaching in Matthew 18:15: “Moreover if your brother sins against you, go and tell him his fault between you and him alone. If he hears you, you have gained your brother.” The narcissist doesn’t want to follow Jesus’ instructions because he may not get what he wants, and he may have to take ownership of his problems, but Jesus is right, and he is wrong.

God bless you, and I love you.

Kevin Cauley