Sometimes we talk about behavior being “rude.” This means the opposite of being gracious. First Corinthians 13:5 says that love “does not behave rudely.” This Greek word means “to act unbecomingly.” It is the opposite of behaving graciously toward someone. It has the notion within it of causing offense. Christians do not intentionally seek to offend other people, nor do they intentionally seek to be offended by other people.
There is a proper place for safety, but we must not use it as an excuse not to exercise our God given responsibilities. Remember the excuses given for “safety” in the book of Proverbs. “The slothful man saith, There is a lion without, I shall be slain in the streets” (Proverbs 22:13), and “The slothful man saith, There is a lion in the way; a lion is in the streets” (Proverbs 26:13). God condemns this kind of thinking as slothful or lazy. “Safety” is not a good reason for not interacting with other people.
We need to interact with other people. Isolation is a spiritually dangerous place to be. Consider Proverbs 18:1, “A man who isolates himself seeks his own desire; He rages against all wise judgment.” Here is the heart of why people isolate themselves. They are seeking their own desires. That is, they are being self-centered and not trying to engage with other people, which God wants us to do to fulfill His purposes.
What can we do to avoid judging people based on appearances? First, when we see a new person, go up and greet them—introduce yourself. Speak to them as you would any other person with whom you have a good relationship. Presume the best of others because love “hopes all things” (1 Corinthians 13:7). If we love our neighbor, our initial attitude toward the potential relationship should be hopeful and optimistic.
A friend is someone that a person can talk to without having to worry about where the information shared is going. A friend will do things that you like to do because he enjoys your enjoying it. A friend will stick with you even when times are hard. Proverbs 17:17 says, “A friend loves at all times, and a brother is born for adversity.”
When we do not listen to people and get to know them as they are, this creates barriers in relationships. Barriers happen when inauthentic and selfish behavior dominates the relationship. This creates a situation where one cannot get to know another because he cannot get past the protective shell of the ego. That shell may be many things, but it prevents authentic relationships.
The only way for someone to reveal their true self to us, though, is to talk to them. God reveals Himself to us by talking to us. Paul wrote, “For what man knows the things of a man except the spirit of the man which is in him? Even so no one knows the things of God except the Spirit of God. Now we have received, not the spirit of the world, but the Spirit who is from God, that we might know the things that have been freely given to us by God” (1 Corinthians 2:11-12). We cannot know the mind of another unless that mind is revealed to us through communication.
The single greatest obstacle that we face in our relationships is the image that we construct of other people. Most of the time we interact with that image instead of with the actual person. Why do we do this? It is easier. That image is a product of our own creation. It is what we see of ourselves in someone else. We know it very well. After all, we made it. But this is a selfish move because we are just interacting with an image of our own creation, not the other person.
Life is much better when we have other people to interact with. God said, “It is not good that man should be alone” (Genesis 2:18). God made humanity a social creature, but interacting with other people can be hard.